My final blog post series would not be complete if I didn’t include today’s topic. I’m going to be exposing an idea that chances are, if you are a reader of Healthy Girl’s Kitchen, you may not even be aware of: Health at Every Size.
When I began blogging almost a decade ago, weight loss/maintenance was the only thing that concerned me when it came to my body.
But that quickly changed as I discovered the whole food, plant-based diet, the doctors and other folks that promote it, and the communities of people embracing it.
I vividly remember a lot, and I mean A LOT, of discussion in certain online message boards and Facebook groups about how much people weighed. It seemed that there was a pretty tight range, depending on your height, in which your body needed to stay in order for you to be at an ideal place for long-term health.
It never occurred to me to question any of this.
It never occurred to me to just admit that dieting (going hungry in an effort to lose weight) sucked, for a variety of complex reasons.
I just saw these charts, the one in Dr. Fuhrman’s books being the most prominent in my memory, and I thought they were The Gospel According to Joel.
And whole food-plant based very quickly became my religion.
I was sold.
Only my body weight didn’t fit into the part of the chart that was “correct.”
When I looked at “the numbers” I just thought, “there is no way that my body could ever be that low weight.”
And I was so right about that.
Only that didn’t make me feel okay about it. I just internalized this feeling that there might be something wrong with me and my body and that I would probably not live as long as someone my height who had less poundage on their frame.
For almost a decade, I never questioned any of this.
My weight went up, my weight went down, my health was (luckily) stable, and I felt terrible-horrible about this thing that I perceived to be the only giant failure in my otherwise very successful life-I couldn’t stay thin.
“What the eff is wrong with me?” I thought. “I must be so out of control.”
But, I later discovered, it wasn’t me that was out of control, it was the whole messed up ideal that this system is built upon.
To say that I was living in a bubble (or a cult) is an understatement.
I swear to you as I write this that I never once considered that my body was okay, even healthy, at different weights. I had somehow internalized a narrative that if I wasn’t in a specific part of the height/weight chart that the following things were wrong:
- I was most certainly going to get diabetes.
- I was most certainly going to get cancer.
- I was most certainly going to have a heart attack.
- I was gross.
- I was weak.
- I was inferior to those that were in the correct part of the height/weight chart.
- I was failing society because I was probably going to cost the system a bunch of money someday.
- I was failing the animals because I wasn’t a stellar (ie thin) representative of the health benefits of a whole food-plant based diet.
Now I think I may have been wrong about all of it.
I’mm pretty sure I was just fine, healthy even, even at my highest weight.
Do you know the number one factor for long life iaccording to the Blue Zone researchers? Close personal relationships.
Here are the 9 Lifestyle Habits shared by people who live the longest according to the Blue Zones:
- Move Naturally. The world’s longest-lived people don’t pump iron, run marathons or join gyms. Instead, they live in environments that constantly nudge them into moving without thinking about it. They grow gardens and don’t have mechanical conveniences for house and yard work.
- Purpose. The Okinawans call it “Ikigai” and the Nicoyans call it “plan de vida;” for both it translates to “why I wake up in the morning.” Knowing your sense of purpose is worth up to seven years of extra life expectancy
- Down Shift. Even people in the Blue Zones experience stress. Stress leads to chronic inflammation, associated with every major age-related disease. What the world’s longest-lived people have that we don’t are routines to shed that stress. Okinawans take a few moments each day to remember their ancestors, Adventists pray, Ikarians take a nap and Sardinians do happy hour.
- 80% Rule. “Hara hachi bu” – the Okinawan, 2500-year old Confucian mantra said before meals reminds them to stop eating when their stomachs are 80 percent full. The 20% gap between not being hungry and feeling full could be the difference between losing weight or gaining it. People in the Blue Zones eat their smallest meal in the late afternoon or early evening and then they don’t eat any more the rest of the day.
- Plant Slant. Beans, including fava, black, soy and lentils, are the cornerstone of most centenarian diets. Meat—mostly pork—is eaten on average only five times per month. Serving sizes are 3-4 oz., about the size of deck or cards.
- Wine. @ 5People in all Blue Zones (except Adventists) drink alcohol moderately and regularly. Moderate drinkers outlive non-drinkers. The trick is to drink 1-2 glasses per day (preferably Sardinian Cannonau wine), with friends and/or with food. And no, you can’t save up all weekend and have 14 drinks on Saturday.
- Belong. All but five of the 263 centenarians we interviewed belonged to some faith-based community. Denomination doesn’t seem to matter. Research shows that attending faith-based services four times per month will add 4-14 years of life expectancy.
- Loved Ones First. Successful centenarians in the Blue Zones put their families first. This means keeping aging parents and grandparents nearby or in the home (It lowers disease and mortality rates of children in the home too.). They commit to a life partner (which can add up to 3 years of life expectancy) and invest in their children with time and love (They’ll be more likely to care for you when the time comes).
- Right Tribe. The world’s longest lived people chose–or were born into–social circles that supported healthy behaviors, Okinawans created ”moais”–groups of five friends that committed to each other for life. Research from the Framingham Studies shows that smoking, obesity, happiness, and even loneliness are contagious. So the social networks of long-lived people have favorably shaped their health behaviors. source
What I have also sadly come to understand is that yo-yoing your weight is worse for your long-term health outcomes than it is to be “overweight” to begin with. source
But even more profound than all of this is what I have now come to understand-
I can have Health At Every Size [HAES].
Have you heard the term “health at every size?”
Health At Every Size
It was very, very new to me just a few short months ago. Here’s a description:
“Although evidence links obesity and being overweight to a number of health problems, HAES advocates argue that traditional interventions focused on weight loss, such as dieting, do not reliably produce positive health outcomes. The benefits of lifestyle interventions such as nutritious eating and exercise are presumed to be real, but independent of any weight loss they may cause. At the same time, HAES advocates espouse that sustained, large-scale weight loss is difficult to the point of effective impossibility for the majority of obese people. Evidence to support the view that some obese people eat little yet gain weight due to a slow metabolism is limited, and often false, as studies have shown that obese individuals incorrectly self-report calories consumed; on average, obese people have a greater energy expenditure than their healthy-weight counterparts due to the energy required to maintain an increased body mass. HAES proponents believe that health is a result of behaviors that are independent of body weight and that favouring being thin discriminates against the overweight and the obese. Efforts towards such weight loss are instead held to cause rapid swings in size that inflict far worse physical and psychological damage than would obesity itself.” source
And I find this, from the HAES website, to be especially sad, yet true in my case:
“Let’s face facts. We’ve lost the war on obesity. Fighting fat hasn’t made the fat go away. And being thinner, even if we knew how to successfully accomplish it, will not necessarily make us healthier or happier. The war on obesity has taken its toll. Extensive “collateral damage” has resulted: Food and body preoccupation, self-hatred, eating disorders, discrimination, poor health, etc. Few of us are at peace with our bodies, whether because we’re fat or because we fear becoming fat. Health at Every Size is the new peace movement.It supports people of all sizes in addressing health directly by adopting healthy behaviors. It is an inclusive movement, recognizing that our social characteristics, such as our size, race, national origin, sexuality, gender, disability status, and other attributes, are assets, and acknowledges and challenges the structural and systemic forces that impinge on living well.” source
I think it could be easily argued that I am in a far worse place, both physically and emotionally, because of the years of my life that I have spent trying to shape shift into a smaller, stronger body. I probably would have fared far better had my weight never been interfered with (aka dieting), first by my parents and later, by myself.
Because I know from personal experience that I was healthy with a larger body and that getting into and staying in a smaller body caused me personally a tremendous amount of stress, anxiety and chronic physical pain, I now completely understand and appreciate the message from the HAES community.
Personally, I am much happier now that I am not starving and I am moving my body in a way that feels good for me, and not in any effort to try to change my shape or size.
I’m guessing that my health is going to benefit from letting go.
But there are no guarantees. I can only do my best given the information that I have at any moment, my current understanding of the science and more importantly, my own experiences.
At this time, I am choosing to honor my hunger and personal preferences and end this herculean effort to stay in a thinner body. I can eat delicious, nutritious, mostly plant-based foods because I love them and they fill me up, because I respect animals and cherish our planet. I can engage only in exercise as it feels good to me. And I can just relax about the rest (including eating whatever else I feel like eating, simply because I want to). I can be perfectly, completely, and totally IMPERFECT.
I highly recommend reading or listening to the book Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon. The author goes through, in great detail, how diets mess up the human body and how it’s not even true that your weight is the cause of health problems (this was total news to me). You can actually be “overweight” and be perfectly healthy! WHO THE EFF KNEW???
Not me.
“I think this book is a must read for everyone who has ever gone on a diet or has considered it. Some of it is even a bit hard to swallow since we live in a world where everyone is supposed to fit in one size and of course the reality is nowhere near that idea. I love this book and hate it at the same time because it tells you the truth.” Amazon Reviewer
I’m curious if you have heard of the Health at Every Size movement? Have you already read the book? What are you thinking about these ideas? Has dieting gotten you where you want to go? Or has it caused you irreparable damage?
Catch my next blog post where I reveal the secret to being 1000% happier with your body in a matter of hours! I promise (or your money back! LOL).
I have been listening to the audiobook Intuitive Eating which is challenging my thinking on all of this stuff regarding health and weight loss. It is sad to think I have dieted myself to a heavier weight than I probably would have been otherwise. This I regret along with all the mental and physical energy put into trying to achieve an elusive goal. Sadly enough, I have wasted so much of my time and energy in the pursuit of a healthier lifestyle that it has negatively affected my ability to enjoy my life along the way. I am at a point where I really want change, but it is hard when the mental pathways are so ingrained. I feel I am finally making my way out of this hole that has consumed me. Thank you for recommending Health at Every Size. I plan to listen to that audiobook next. I look forward to your next post! ☺
I get this. I’ve spent 40+ years of my life since my pre-teen times weighing myself everyday. I’ve been on most every diet. Last fall I found a WFPB doctor who wants me to come every 3-4 weeks and teach me lifestyle medicine. Since going my colorsterol has gone from 229 eating lots of plants AND eating fast food, to eating 95% plant food, no animals products and my cholesterol is up to 278. Pity party thrown with streamers after the results last Friday. I’m living in such food frustration hell that I don’t know how much more I can handle. Too many tears this weekend, then read your post this morning. This insanity has sucked my life away. There is no joy left. Always worried about eating the “right” stuff. Oh no, don’t eat that, cholesterol check coming again – only to watch it go up and up. Ugh.
Hello, I am Helen, I shed some tears reading your soul baring story. I just want to hug you! I too have adapted a wfpb diet, my weight has went down incrementally, gas, bloating, and health issues rage on. I’ve missed family meals and celebrations and vacation trips because of my eating plan. I seek balance and truth. Hard to find these days! I will keep you in my prayers. Meanwhile, live your life, love your family and be happy!
it’s likely your cholesterol has gone up because with the plant-based eating your liver is detoxing all the toxins and fats that were stored in it. Don’t worry, it will come back down. Keep up the good work!
I have been reading your posts with both hesitation and anticipation. Hesitation because I don’t want to give up the dream of someday finally being thin. Anticipation because I can so relate to everything you say. At 53 years old, I’ve been dieting since my preteens. I remember passing out from only consuming 500 calories a day. I was probably 12. My mother was always a dieter and I thought I was fat. Looking back I can clearly see that I was most definitely NOT fat. As slim as some of my friends? No. But definitely not fat. At 17, a male friend of my fathers literally said to me “you have such a pretty face, you really ought to lose weight”. The damage was done. My “fat” perception changed the course of my life. It’s how I defined myself. It was my label. I have spent that last 40+ years trying every diet out there, desperately seeking the thin ideal. It’s made me fatter, it’s made me hate my body, it’s robbed me of joy. But can I stop? I don’t know. I have never heard of the HAES movement, but I will definitely check it out. Lord knows this dieting merry-go-round isn’t the answer. Thanks for the posts. I look forward to more. You’re honesty and transparency is definitely going to be missed. I truly hope you end up sharing your journey in a new way!
I could have written this, especially the “pretty face” comment. Boy, I’ve heard several variations of that. Why is this the biggest challenge of my life? I’ve been successful in so many other things. Now I want to be successful in accepting myself the way I am and striving for health, not thinness. Hugs to you.
I had never heard of HAES before Wendy so thank you for always helping us see the light. You’ve always been the lighthouse in a tumultuous dark Sea Of Confusion and misinformation. Love you always ❤
Summed it up perfectly as always!
I too have been exploring Intuitive Eating! Sick of thinking about everything I put in my mouth! Tired of yo-yo dieting! I love healthy plant based food but I like to enjoy a treat as well! I like an occasional dairy product too! I love to workout! I’m trying to give myself a break from all the food thoughts! A book I’ve been following is Lean Habits by Georgie Fear. Having some good results with it! She’s an RD who had some disordered eating in her past and gives guidelines or “habits” to have a healthy, sane relationship with food! No food is off limits! She has a private FB page as well! Love hearing more about your journey Wendy!
I have found information on Ayurveda body types (Doshas) to be very helpful in explaining how we are all different and our body size fits our unique dosha. Ayurveda provides a holistic way to optimal health, and that’s all we need for all of our body types and sizes.
I’ve been following the WFPB literature/lifestyle for about 5 years. Like everything and anything in life, it also can be taken to extremes. Wonderful you bring up the Blue Zones, as in the last year, whenever I get overwhelmed by the ‘science’, I force myself to reread The Blue Zones again. I still believe IF you have disease, and IF your goal is to reverse it, you have to get pretty close to 95-100% WFPB lifestyle, but to prevent/maintain, closer to 80-90% is enough. BUT, in the end it’s about your PERSONAL goals. Look in the mirror at the end of the day and honestly assess what you are doing and what are your goals, if they match up, keep doing what you are doing. If not, then you have to change what you are doing, or your goals. And yes, changing your goals is OK.
Your comment sums up my feeling. I too agree with the WFPB diet at 80-90%. I have come to learn though that the Whole Foods part is as important as the plant based as many of my friends think loads of pasta is fine because it is plant based. I also agree that if I ever need to reverse disease, I would be really strict so my body could heal itself.
I am intrigued by Wendy’s blog but hope it is not an excuse for people to eat whatever they want. It will be intersting to watch the journey.
Very interesting to hear your prospective Wendy. I have always considered you very bright and intuitive.
Most of us can relate to almost all of your points. Myself- I find when I eat healthy plant based foods without limitations I do weight more than I would like. It’s so hard for us as keepers of these bodies to REALLY know how healthy they are. They ‘feel, look, seem’ healthy….hmmm. When I weight 20-40 lbs more than what I would prefer-
1. my blood pressure is really high, my labs and lipid levels aren’t anything to feel good about
2. my auto immune rashes are crazy bad
3. I feel lethargic, uninspired….the less I do the less I want to do and I look really tired
4. I have all these aches and pains that seem to be from my body complaining that it is carrying more weight that it should
5. I drift into periods of eating things I know really well do me no good by anyone’s measure of health…..bring on the junk!
So I need the boundaries and regiment of keeping my diet within certain amounts and exercise regular otherwise I drift into real complacency. My mind is more clear, I feel happier about my weight, looks and appearance of health & its’ numbers when I do adhere to strict guidelines. If I threw it all away and embraced ‘intuitive’ eating I really believe my longevity would be affected because diseases my relatives have start showing their ugly heads. So I stay here …on the other side of this looking glass …not too obsessive hopefully….on no meds, weighing what I did in high school and saying good bye to many of my friends and relatives that are succumbing lo maladies that I feel and science seems to back – are life style related problems. We all have our own path….I wish you well and respect you lots!
Oh, yeah. I’ve known about HAES for over 20 years. I’ve read many of the books, like Marilyn Wann’s Fat!So? http://www.marilynwann.com/writing.html
and Linda Bacon’s Health At Every Size and Body Respect
https://lindabacon.org/
as well as the Intuitive Eating book and workbook:
http://www.intuitiveeating.org/
Kate Harding’s Lessons From the Fat-O-Sphere
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/304224/lessons-from-the-fat-o-sphere-by-kate-harding/9780399534973/
Lara Frater’s Fat Chicks Rule
http://fatchicksrule.blogs.com/
I read Ragen Chastain’s Dances with Fat blog every chance I get
https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/
I even own the Fat Studies Reader in hardcover and Kindle versions
https://www.amazon.com/The-Studies-Reader-Esther-Rothblum/dp/0814776310/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376487954&sr=8-1&keywords=fat+studies+reader
and have read the Overcoming Overeating (not a weight loss book) and When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies books
http://www.overcomingovereating.com/
Funny thing about that last one – the woman who started the OO groups on Yahoo eventually stopped believing in HAES and Intuitive Eating and jumped on the WFPB bandwagon and has done a few interviews online, like these with Heather Goodwin:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQBrRwf4dLQ&t=1s and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmsi4nsebzQ&t=19s
Over the years I’ve read dozens of books on the subject. Yet I keep returning to the McDougall food plan. You have to remember with Intuitive Eating, HAES, and giving up dieting that you can’t give up on eating for health, even if it doesn’t lead to weight loss. Especially as you get older, you still have to watch your cholesterol, your triglycerides, your blood sugars, your blood pressure. You still have to exercise for cardiac health and strength. And in the beginning of your non-dieting for weight loss journey, you WILL gain weight. It’s said that you will not only regain all the weight previously lost, but thanks to a slowed metabolism, you’ll most likely add an additional 20%.
I was about your age when I went through the same thing and really dived into the HAES/FA lifestyle. I loosened the reins on my eating a bit, abandoned MWLP for the regular McDougall program with no restrictions, meaning I now ate nuts, had the occasional glass of juice, sandwiches, even had PB&J now and then. It was a short-lived experiment. As much as I loved the freedom of not counting calories, something I did even when on McDougall’s MWLP, my weight wasn’t the only thing rising, but also my cholesterol, triglycerides, blood pressure! I got hell from my doctors and told to lose the excess weight ASAP. It’s been many years now since I returned to strict food plans, and like you, tried them all (except raw. I can’t do raw.). Weight loss is very slow, but my BP and labs are finally back in the normal range without meds. I know I will never be in the “normal” BMI range, probably not even the “overweight” one, but as long as I keep my other numbers in the healthy ranges, I’m trying not to be too concerned about being in the “obese” range.
*Trying.*
It’s funny – all my major medical problems, like stress cardiomyopathy, hypothyroidism, RA, Mixed Connective Tissue Disease, even plain old osteoarthritis, all started while following the healthy WFPB SOFA-free food plans, and none were the result of being fat. I really don’t want to find out what else will happen if I stop. So I continue to restrict, continue to watch the scale not budge out of the “obese” BMI range. Unlike many others, my weight was only “normal” at birth, and immediately shot up to the overweight and obese ranges even in infancy. At age 64, why do I think it’s ever going to go down? It didn’t when my baby formula was watered to half strength, it didn’t when I was restricted to 800 – 1000 calories a day as a young adult, it didn’t while following WFPB SOFA-free food plans in middle age and now approaching my senior years. When will I finally stop obsessing over it??
I wish you all the luck, Wendy. I hope you succeed where I failed.
Thanks for your wise comments about obsessive dieting. There will be many who are helped by your approach just as they are many who are helped by adopting a WFPB approach. No one size fits all. My own story is that I used to weigh 40 pounds more than I do now, binging and dieting obsessively. Gradually I transitioned to vegetarian, then vegan, then nutrient-dense vegan and lost those 40 pounds. I love the way I eat and my thin body. I do not feel deprived – I do eat to satiety each and every day and do not restrict. My appreciation of healthy foods makes the unhealthy ones no longer attractive to me so I have lost the cravings I used to have. However, when I was binging and starving, I was miserable so I am so glad you have found your way to peace. Yo-yoing up and down is definitely not healthy!
Since 2009, I’ve lost about 60 pounds, slowly and naturally thanks to being a vegetarian, then a vegan, then whole food, plant-based. I grieve for the years I struggled to lose weight over and over again from the age of five. I started gaining weight before I was a year old. I’m 73 now. I agree with you that I would have been in a better place in all ways if I had never attempted to make myself smaller. I used some pretty horrifying diets, diet clubs, and diet pills – especially the pills, which I’m convinced did a number on my health all by themselves. I finally used Weight Watchers for decades, which did help me find a mindset that focused on health. But those successes weren’t permanent either. So instead of learning another language, taking college courses, or any number of things I could have done instead, I started and focused on yet another round of dieting. I’m not perfect now by any means, my blood pressure is too high, up considerably from just a year ago. My current primary physician, whom I’ve grown to distrust for a number of reasons, is of no help. I often wonder if it’s because of my weight or if she is simply incompetent. I’ll be seeing another doctor I hope can be more helpful. But I feel less restricted, healthier, and I’m not focused on food every single minute. Whole Food, Plant-Based is what I aim for now. And peace.
That damn chart in Dr. Fuhrman’s book profoundly affected me and my self-image, too. And also for me, his recommended weight is an impossible goal (I’m 5’9 with a large frame and I think his number was 126 or thereabouts). Reading this post reminded me how his ‘ideal’ still affects my thinking about my weight even these years after reading his book. Thank you for writing this, Wendy. As always, very thought-provoking.
Thanks for this, Wendy! I wish that the whole food plant based world would become more “Health At Every Size” friendly, instead of the usual fat shaming that can be so easily found. Because I do believe eating mostly whole plant foods is great for our VITALITY, plus, they taste great. In my intuitive eating journey, I’ve discovered I still love veggies, lol, but I also enjoy treats and the occasional rich vegan meal. I don’t know, I’m still in process, and struggling with a little weight I’ve put on. I’m probably tempted to go back to the Dr. Furhman or McDougall religion every few days. I hope it will get better soon. Trudging ahead and onward. That damn chart of Dr. Furhman’s is in mine and my husband’s head, too. It really cause a lot of damage for both of us. I still have fears of all the diseases I might get if I don’t eat a “no oil no sugar no fun” diet 100% of the time. I really appreciate your writings about all of this.
I really enjoy reading your post and wanted to share my thought on this. I think I came to the realization about ten year ago that those chart are a bunch of BS!!!!!! I’m 5’8 and my usual healthy weight is between 165-175 (in my opinion). According to those charts I am considered obese. Such an annoying and sad thing to be told, and completely false. At one point I went on Jenny Craig and got as low as 155. Here’s what I noticed: my face looked awful, saggy, thin, and colorless, my boobs sagged, I was always hungry and finally, as excited as I was to be thin and buy new clothes it was a challenge trying to find size 10 pants for someone 5’8 (unless you want to live in capris). SO, now when they tell me that I am obese, I say “Do I look obese to you?”
“I probably would have fared far better had my weight never been interfered with (aka dieting), first by my parents and later, by myself.” I am convinced of this in my own life. When I was 27, I did a 16-day fast (water only) that got me down to what I called an “artificially thin” weight, and I’ve never, ever approached that weight again. In fact, now I’m about 80 pounds heavier. I fried my metabolism.
It wasn’t until WFPBNO that I could finally EAT! I don’t follow Dr. Furhman. I do follow Dr. McDougall and Dr. Campbell. Both of with feel unless you have to reverse disease related illness that 80-90% compliant is just fine. Dr. McDougall is even fine with a sprinkle of salt or sugar if needed to continue to eat this way. I’ve not seen the chart in Dr. Fuhrmans book and I hope I never do. I also don’t follow any of the other gurus who have taken a good WOE and turned it into another calorie counting, eat this not that at this time of day, mentally draining and frustrating DIET. I’ve done enough diets in my 55 years and I’m done with all of them. I broke up with My Fitness Pal, macros, carb cycling, intermittent fasting, nutritional cleansing, and any other type of crap we’ve been fed as the newest and greatest way to lose weight. I still workout regularly but I don’t go hard like I used to. I enjoy weight training so Dr. Fuhrmans little chart would be a joke to me. I’m 5’1″ and weigh 138 lbs and wear a size 4. I’m sure his chart would probably have me somewhere around 105 lbs. I’ve never weighed that as an adult. The lowest I’ve ever weighed is 119 lbs and I looked like a young boy because my body fat was so low. I don’t consider WFPBNO a diet but instead consider it my freedom ride to finally enjoying my life. I no longer think about food. I don’t have anxiety about eating. I probably still overeat some and yet have lost 17 lbs since starting this WFPBNO journey in July 2017. I’m not a fan of intuitive eating simply because to me it’s another “tool” that someone feels we need to have to be a healthy weight. Besides, if we were able to eat intuitively we wouldn’t be reading this blog and sharing our stories. Instead, I feel it’s just another gimmick to make me feel that I’ve failed at it. I can’t express enough how OVER all of that BS I am. Thanks Wendy and everyone who shared their thoughts. I’m new to this blog and do enjoy the posts.
Wendy, congratulations on where you have landed. It was fun running into you the other night. You look great!! I have finally accepted my body with all its imperfections too – isn’t it such a lovely relief? Whether you call it being woke or just removing the thin- ideal goggles many of us put on in our teen years, it’s wonderful to look at your body and see the GOOD not the supposed BAD. You have to make a choice to love yourself exactly how G-d made you. Best of luck! Leslie
Wendy and others,
I think a sane way out of this is to plan three normal meals a day, with snacks depending on age and need. Meals that you plan and that include foods that you love but are balanced in components ( veggies, fruits, protein of some sort, carb of some sort, fat). I find that I am really satisfied with that, including some animal products – I just seem to need some. Just normal meals that I like, my family likes. I find that I eat healthiest on balance that way. Ellen Satter is someone I highly recommend. She advocates a wise balance of permission and discipline: discipline to plan balanced meals (the idea that anything other than veggies and plants is unhealthy or “toxic” is just not true and is part of the sick religion of the world where we worship the creature – our own bodies – and think that we can save ourselves…I’m not sure we really can. I’m learning that we’ve just been excessive in eating animal products and desserts, etc.; when these foods are planned and fully enjoyed with no restriction beyond a wise and satisfying portion, I’m sure they are not harmful but healthy physically and mentally. Watch people who have a life beyond the identify of a pure and devoted health advocate – this is what they do) and (back to my first point) permission to eat to satisfaction, at the meal, knowing that another meal is coming when again one can come comfortably hungry to the table and enjoy a satisfying meal without anxiety. It’s just plain wisdom. Of course it means that we have to find another identity and purpose in life besides being our own god and savior. Which is very anxiety producing I find!
Leaving the dieting, food control and shape shifting world doesn’t mean a free for all. Moderation is a bit more challenging, as black and white is so much more appealing albeit deceptive. But moderation is wise and doable and I think ultimately healthiest. I also began dieting at Fifteen years old and wish I had instead just kept eating normally maintaining my normal shape. Shape shifting and “healthy eating” has dominated my life and identity in the intervening time and it is the profound regret of my life.
Wendy, keep going. Don’t turn back. Thank your for sharing this. You are right on.
Great post.
I feel your pain, but…it would be way more honest to say “health at many sizes” rather than “any” size. For instance, myself: I doubt that my health is much affected whether I weigh 110 lbs or 140 lbs on my 5’2 body. Certainly under 120 looks considerably better than 140, and is my preference, but I know my health in this range will depend on the health of my diet, not my belly pudge. However, if I weighed 220 and was morbidly obese, the evidence clearly shows that my health (both physical and mental) would suffer.
I am with you though in being “done.” Just recently I decided to not worry about the calories in 1/2 cup of lentils, etc. I am eating (mostly) whole plant foods without restriction…just simply not cooking with oil and avoiding sugar desserts….but not restricting in any other way the quantity of food. I’m looking to just fill myself with as many nutrients as possible, but not worry about if it’s a white pasta or feel any guilt over a store-bought boca burger rather than a homemade black bean burger. I gotta say, not worrying about losing 15 lbs before summer has reduced the pressure considerably and I haven’t binged on reese’s cups once since I made this mental shift.
(I have to say, I have never been one to eat huge quantities of food at one sitting, so I can’t speak for people who suffer when they don’t have imposed limits)
I have recently come across LilyKoi Hawaii on youtube. She stopped all dieting about 7 years ago. She gave herself permission to eat unrestricted amounts of plant foods and, at first, started eating 3000-4500 calories a day. She also reduced her 6-7 times a week of running to “a bit of this here, a bit of that there” blend of running, stretching, and lifting. She did gain weight at first, but she made total peace with her body and decided to enjoy life instead of abusing herself. In the end, her appetite naturally scaled back (ie. she felt very full and content) and today eats in the 2000-2400 range. She did end up losing 40 lbs over 5 years without any struggle and still refuses to restrict herself. I don’t know if it’s scientifically valid, but she feels like her body had to heal itself (particularly her endocrine system) before it would naturally start shedding the weight. I would consider looking her up on youtube.
Good luck to you.
p.s.
From my own experienc….I bet your husband will be thrilled….men don’t care half as much as we do!