Good morning lovelies!!!! My apologies for getting off track again with blog posts.
As I mentioned a few posts ago, I’m wrapping up this whole weight loss, dieting, blogging, searching, researching, and experimenting thang, but before I say “Au revoir,” there’s quite a few things I’d still love to share with you.
The complication is that I’m distracted with a new and wonderful lettering/calligraphy/bullet journaling/watercolor painting hobby (yes, I have an Instagram account for that! @loveslettersandbujos.) I’m having so much fun that it’s hard to stop to write anything anymore, which is a great thing I suppose.
But guilt.
I try to make good on my promises to you. Lucky for all of us, my kids have a snow day today so I’ve gained back three hours of my life while they rest peacefully in their warm beds. Thus, a new HGK post today!
I’d like to share with you my own personal story about binge eating disorder and what I’ve recently come to understand, in the hopes that what I’ve suffered may help at least one person in their own binge eating agony.
I began eating in a disordered way at roughly the time I began to walk and talk. Seriously. I had a mom who loved me very much and did what a lot of loving mothers do, she set about to control the size of her young daughter’s body by anxiously “watching what I ate” as if the world depended on it. Restriction was completely and totally normal in my life.
I’m forty-seven years old now, and I don’t remember a time in my life when food wasn’t a really wonky issue for an extended period of time.
And until this past year, I never heard an explanation for my weird food behaviors other than:
(a) there must be something very wrong with me emotionally and/or psychologically (I’m an emotional eater)
(b) there must be something very wrong with me physically and I’m a food addict with a defective brain (I’m an over eater)
and/or (c) there must be something very wrong with our food supply because it’s the food’s fault that I can’t stop eating it precisely when I’ve consumed 1500 calories a day and therefore cannot maintain a svelte body. (It’s the food!)
I am not here today to debate the merits of any of the above mentioned explanations for why I’m chubby. I’m simply here to tell you my story and it’s up to you to conclude what you want to about your own harrowing experience.
I STOPPED BINGE EATING like six months ago.
It happened very suddenly.
It happened when I STOPPED RESTRICTING WHAT I ATE IN AN EFFORT TO BE THIN.
All these years I kept thinking that I had found the answers. All of those times when I came on this blog to tell you about the new diet that I was experimenting with and how it seemed to be working and how I was losing weight and yadda, yadda, yadda.
Well, I always ended up in the ditch again, eventually, and with Bright Line Eating it was no different. We’re all part of a really broad community of folks who are very engaged, vocal and outspoken about their health and weight experiences. And I was one of the most outspoken of them all. I kept asking questions about what I was doing wrong that I wasn’t able to stick to my new diet for more than a day or two at a time.
Unfortunately, I didn’t receive a single satisfying answer until it was far, far too late.
But what somehow miraculously came my way my were the titles of some books and some links to people on social media who all had the same and quite shocking, to me at least, conclusion:
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken.
In order to stop binging you must stop restricting because it’s actually the restriction that’s causing the binging, not some defect inside of you.
Shit.
If I stop restricting, I don’t know what’s going to happen.
Am I going to gain a ton of weight?
Will I ever be able to stop eating sugar, flour, etc., etc. once I start?
What will happen to me?
But it felt like I didn’t have any choice in the matter. I had tried everything. I had gone on perhaps the most restrictive diet of them all, the food addict’s diet-no sugar, no flour, weighing and measuring every ounce of food and still, the end result was NO LASTING PEACE WITH FOOD.
I had looked everywhere. I had turned over every stone. I couldn’t have wanted something more. I simply wanted to follow the plan.
But I just didn’t have it in me.
I decided that this was insanity, and something inside of me said “Wendy, you need listen to yourself. This is crazy. Why are you holding on to doing what someone else is telling you to do when it’s so obvious that you are not finding the peace with food that you had hoped was there, that was promised to you, that seemed like it would be so easy?”
So I stopped.
I stopped dieting.
I stopped restricting.
And just like the books said, the binging stopped too.
It had been there all along, the messaging that diets were really, really bad for you and that people actually come in all shapes and sizes, only I wanted to believe that I was a unicorn. I would be one of the chosen ones to lose the weight and keep it off forever, by simply following the plan, dammit!
But in the end, I had to make a decision. I had this newfound knowledge about why restriction causes binging. It’s both physical and psychological.
Here it is in a nutshell.
THE PHYSICAL CAUSE OF BINGE EATING
Humans have evolved for hundreds of thousands of years to SURVIVE. Most bodies will not let starvation reign. And you need to understand this: eating 1200-1500 calories per day is STARVATION. Sure, most of us can do it for a little while. Maybe even for six months or a year. But few can do it indefinitely (the unicorns). And the only way to remain thin is to starve (unless you never dieted to begin with and have the metabolism of a 13-year-old, in which case you probably don’t read HGK).
But like I said, we are programmed with very strong biological reactions to starvation. Chemicals will be released by your body into your bloodstream that will make you totally preoccupied with food and you won’t be able to resist consuming calories. Your body wants to live and it’s got mad skills to make it happen. It’s going to get those calories come hell or high water. Thus the phenomenon of “I’m good all day and then I just lose it with food at night.”
And not only that, your body wants a cushion of FAT. The more times you’ve dieted and lost the weight, the more it wants insurance in the form of fat. Your body doesn’t know that in this day and age, famines just don’t happen ’round these parts. All it cares about is that it lives when the famine comes again, and we’ve taught it to expect famine.
And that’s just the body’s physical response to dieting.
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL CAUSE OF BINGE EATING
What about the psychological response?
In the book Intuitive Eating, I first began to understand the term “Last Supper Eating.” It goes like this: We think we’re fat and the answer is “I must go on a diet.” So you find yourself a guru and your diet du jour. Perhaps, like me, your last few diets told you that you were a food addict and that you shouldn’t ever have sugar or flour again, and so you make up your mind to dive in.
Perhaps you remain sugar and flour free for a few months, maybe a few days, or for most people, a few hours. You’re hungry, and your body is sending off very strong chemicals that make it almost impossible not to eat. Perhaps it’s “time” to eat again according to your plan, and you engage in preparing and eating a “sensible meal.” Or maybe you’ve eaten everything allowable on your plan for the day and you’ve got nothing left.
You’re mind is racing. Your stomach is growling. Your body is screaming for more food. You are most certainly NOT SATISFIED. The debate begins. You know it well.
“I shouldn’t eat anymore.
I shouldn’t eat that.
I’m so hungry.
Maybe just a little won’t hurt.
I’ll start my diet again tomorrow.
I’ll have just a little right now and then I promise, I’ll never ever not ever eat flour or sugar (or cheese or meat or wine or whatevertheeff) again starting tomorrow.
Shit.
I feel bad.
I just messed up.
I’m bad. I’m weak. I’ve failed again. I didn’t earn my star today.
Gosh, I might as well just eat more, because I swear, I am not doing this again tomorrow and this is my last time and I know it is and I’ll be better tomorrow. I need to get it all in now. This is the LAST TIME I’M EATING (INSERT FOOD NAME HERE) EVER!”
BINGE.
This, my friends, is the binge-restrict cycle, and it is alive and well in 21st century cultures all over the world.
And there’s a quick way out of it if you’ve got some serious balls.
STOP RESTRICTING AND DEAL WITH IT.
All of it.
Deal with the confusion.
The body shame.
The embarrassment.
The learning how to eat again.
The learning how to really listen to your body. Learning to honor and love yourself because you are worth it and you don’t deserve to be tortured into hunger and thinness during this one short life. Because you deserve to enjoy food and to not be made crazy by it.
I promise, you can actually have a totally normal relationship with food even after all of this nonsense.
Because you enjoy eating “healthy” food and you’re also a freakin’ human who enjoys pleasure.
And that’s okay. Remember I mentioned that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are not broken? I really mean that!
And the healing. It comes.
You won’t need to binge because (a) your body won’t be starving anymore and (b) why would you stuff yourself with anything when you can eat whatever you want to at any time in the future (notice I said “you can,” not “you will” or “you will eat all the foods all the time” because that doesn’t feel good either and we all know it).
I see healing happening all around me now. It’s not a quick fix. It’s not an easy answer. It’s most likely not the answer you want. It’s not the road to thinness. And there’s a lot that goes into the way this works on your body and your brain that you can learn about by reading and studying up on Intuitive Eating if you want to.
But if you simply want to end binge eating and start having a normal relationship with food, it’s pretty much a guaranteed road to recovery.
Thank you for this….I have been struggling since I stopped BLE and have been over eating. I have to get to the place where I am eating healthy but not stressing about if I want this and can’t because it’s not on my food plan. When you’ve been dieting since you were a teenage and now middle aged it hard to get to the place where you are at peace with your food. You just have to take one day at a time, do your best and don’t beat yourself up if you ate this and perhaps should not have. All that said, I am overweight, with health issues and would really love to be lighter so I will feel better so I need to eat healthier and not say I’m on a diet so when I want this or that..I can have it! Still looking for that peace!!!
I have to say that I wouldn’t be where I am right now without the wise words in the book Intuitive Eating. Are you exploring this in any way?
No Wendy I am not. So I will get the book and start to heal my thoughts and find the peace you are talking about.
I’m very glad you found your solution.
Thank you Wendy for writing the truth for so many people. I too binge when reducing my calorie intake.
How gratifying to have the “courage to start over again”.
Thank you…I am so ready to have a normal relationship with food. You give me hope.
Diet, binge, restrict, repeat
Enough is enough. Thank you Wendy for blazing the trail for us to follow. Thank you for being so brave and public with your journey. Getting off this diet Rollercoaster takes a lot of courage and you’ve got that in spades my friend ♤ Love you Wendy, and I’m so glad to be on this magical carpet ride with you. Can’t wait to check out your new calligraphy Instagram. You’ve definitely found your calling and redefined what a healthy girl is =D
Thank you, Wendy for speaking the truth. I have been a long time overeater, emotional eater, binge eater, blah, blah, blah!
You are right, enough is enough. When we were infants and toddlers, we didn’t think about the amount of calories we were eating. We didn’t fat shame ourselves. We ate when we were hungry and stopped when satisfied. I found intuitive eating to be much more gratifying. I am almost 58 years old and this is crazy to continue to think that dieting is always the answer. I know to eat intuitively will take time. I just have to be patient and do it like you said: “…learning how to really listen to your body. Learning to honor and love yourself because you are worth it and you don’t deserve to be tortured into hunger and thinness during this one short life. Because you deserve to enjoy food and to not be made crazy by it.” AMEN!
Hi Wendy. This article really hit home with me. Thank you!
You mentioned you’ve been reading Intuitive Eating. Is there a specific book that you recommend?
She’s referring to a book called Intuitive Eating.
Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250004047/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_hRCQAb8K616SG
Perhaps I overlooked it in your writing, but did you mention how your weight is now that you’ve stopped binging?
Isabel Foxen Duke discusses this very topic in her blog post today.
http://isabelfoxenduke.com/understanding-weight-set-point-theory-and-diet-induced-metabolic-damage/
Wendy – I’ve followed your journey for years and was always amazed and blown away every time you started following a new eating plan, lifestyle, weight loss guru …
After much thought, my light bulb went on and I realized you have the kool aid gene. You have the ability to believe, really believe and get totally immersed in and consumed by whatever diet, lifestyle, philosophy, and or guru that “tastes good” to you. That to me, what is so interesting – your natural inclination to believe and identify yourself with them – drink their kool aid recipe. I then thought further, and realized some people are kool aid drinkers and others simply are not. I am thrilled to hear you are sick of the kool aid – and are finding relief in just being… this is very empowering.
I love this so much!
The last post you wrote was like a shocking bucket of cold water poured over my head. I jumped off the diet roller coaster in mid ride. I will have to find this book that you recommend and give it a look. Just now I am trying to make sure that I get enough veggies and fruit in my diet. At age 70 my greatest challenge is trying stay healthy in order to stay off meds and keep moving. Thank you for your transparency.
Love all this!! I’ve been on a path to Intuitive eating for about a year now! Very peaceful and empowering! My story is like yours and many others here! I also love Michael Singers The Untethered soul! It’s like my bible! I’m always rereading passages from it! Please continue to update us Wendy! <3
Long time ago when I was a “compulsive overeater”,” I found Geneen Roth’s books and realized that restricting was the problem. There was even a diet (forget the author’s name now) but you stocked your favorite binge foods, and whenever you ate some, you restocked so you would always know you had enough. I tried it for a while and it seemed to work! I actually lost interest in the foods I used to crave because I could have them anytime. However, those foods did not make me feel good or healthy so eventually I read more of the plant-based health-oriented books, viewing it as a lifestyle, not a diet. The compulsions had gone so it was easy by that point. Thank you for being so honest and forthcoming with your journey. I have enjoyed sharing it with you. I am delighted that Intuitive Eating has set you free, and will check it out as I often help others and this may be right for them.
This post is speaking for a lot of us. I couldn’t continue doing BLE. BLE, however, helped me move easily to a whole food plant based eating that has no calorie counting or times to eat or portions – eat how children eat. When they are hungry. I needed to get my blood pressure down. I was ready for medication. I am under a nutritionist so a week ago I went to have blood tests and my blood pressure taken for the 3 months of appointments with him. 3 days ago I chose to release meat including fish and chicken, dairy and eggs. Yesterday I had another doctors appointment regarding my blood pressure. It was back in the normal range! I had been monitoring my blood pressure for 6 months and it was high – always. This cannot be a coincidence. I thought it would take weeks or months – 60 hours from no meat, dairy or eggs. I can have bread – good quality or gluten-free. No butter. I can have salads and soups, beans and lentils, oats, almond milk or rice milk, dates and almonds along with all fruits and vegetables and now I have weak black tea and a little sugar instead of milk, green tea, water, black coffee. The list goes on. And the weight is coming off naturally. To soon to tell you about any great drop – 3 days in. I hope this helps someone or many who want to get off medication and release pain out of the body and get your energy and strength back and a life you want. Thank you Wendy.
Hi Wendy, I eagerly read each post and have followed your journey through several eating “styles” and philosophies. I didn’t follow them personally, just vicariously through your writing. I did just finish reading Stephan Guyenet’s The Hungry Brain. Have you read that yet? While I knew most of what was in there, I did pick up some good nuggets based on his reporting of scientific research. Guyenet has a Ph. D. in neurobiology and has extensively studied obesity, particularly from the point of view of how the brain and body chemistry (and evolution!) have pre-wired us to behave in certain ways. As you alluded to above, our brains are wired to avoid starvation, from a time when food scarcity was rampant. However, Guyenet points out that there is no “upper limit” shut-off switch in the brain for when we take in too much food to be healthy. That situation never existed. And, the chemical trigger to eat more and keep our fat level up does not recognize when one is obese and really should lose some fat and weight. The good news is that one method has been found that does not trigger the body to go into “starvation” mode and eat every calorie in sight. What has been found to work is to follow a “plain” diet for a while, and to avoid hyperpalatable foods. An example would be eating potatoes. As you probably already know, the mind also gets bored when eating a large quantity of the same type of food while there’s always room for “dessert” no matter now much one has eaten. These tips can be utilized to promote feelings and brain signals of fullness (satiety) without overconsuming calories. Lindsay Nixon just sent out an email today noting that the two best foods to eat when hungry between meals are apple and potato. The fiber content of apple, and the resistant starch component of a cooked and cooled potato, lower the net calorie intake.
What I find is the best way to keep weight reasonable is to find something fun and engrossing to do, something that occupies my mind and causes me to want to keep doing the activity. When I’m bored, I look around and think about what I can cook or make to eat. I also found that just getting 20-30 minutes of exertion a day (any kind of movement) helped jumpstart fat burning in the abdominal area.
I agree with Lindsay that one can over consume calories even when eating only whole food plants with no added oils. And I agree with you that restricting food quantities, weighing and measuring, and other such counting schemes leads to feelings of deprivation and desperation in an attempt to counter what the brain says is a surefire path to starvation.
It helps to use whatever we can learn from science to find peace with food.
Good luck with your journey and may everyone find several methods and techniques for gaining serenity.
Hugs and love!
–Karen
“No shut-off switch when we take in too much food” – yep, that makes perfect sense. I have tried before to have all kinds of binge foods available at my house in sufficient amounts trying to make myself feel safe and trying to take away the pressure of having to “eat it now” but to no avail, I would never cease to consume foods and binge items in very large amounts. Not after a few days, a few weeks or a few months… until gaining 100 lbs (for the third time in my life, after having lost them before…). I do believe I need some form of restriction or abstinence of food in my life, at this point it is a matter of health… but glad that Wendy found something that works for her!
There are endless “scientists” telling us about our brains, our bodies, our food, but mostly what they share is philosophies not real, hard science. A bit of truth maybe embellished with imaginative interpretation. I’ve found that when I eat pretty much three balanced meals a day of any kind of food, including a serving of dessert, I eat very moderately and with great satisfaction. The only time I really want to keep eating is when I’m restricting. The Intuitive Eating Principles are right on, in addition to having three normal, flexible meals a day. It’s really common sense. But common sense is not sexy or special and does not promise invincible, immortal, untouchable status like the diet/clean eating culture does – and doesn’t deliver!
I’m so thankful for your writings on all this Wendy. I’m right there with you, or maybe a bit behind you, but I’ve been on the “intuitive eating” path for awhile now. It’s so hard though, with diet culture all around us, even within my own family and best friends. Everyone is on a diet, everyone is trying to shrink their body. It’s so totally normal, and very hard for me to fight. It’s also hard for my to accept that my body may just be happier 10-15 lbs over what I consider “ideal” for myself. But the only way I’ve reached that certain number on a scale is through restricting from the time I was 16 (I’m now 34). I’m still trying to learn how to eat again, how I love to eat and what makes me feel good. I am finding that I need a lot of veggies in my life, and also potatoes, grains, BREAD, beans, nuts, seeds, fruit and also, dessert often and dark chocolate. And not just banana black bean brownies (because, ew, unless you truly like that), but good vegan chocolate chip cookies. Anyhow, I agree with restricting being the cause of bingeing. Even when I’m not restricting physically these days though and trying to cut out all fat, all bread products, all nuts, all sugar…… I find that for me I’m having trouble letting go of the psychological restrictions (like I shouldn’t eat too much, or that kind of food, etc) and that alone sometimes causes me to overeat and binge. Gotta let go!!
I have also followed your blog for some time, but my goal has always been health and weight loss secondary. What I have learned is my body type/appetite type needed to be honored. Eating well for me included plant based Whole Foods. I hope we don’t throw out the scientific learnings regarding plant based eating in effort to avoid the restrictive dieting trends. I have lost weight eating well based upon Ayurvedic principles that work well for me, but what is good for me will not necessarily be good for the next person. I have needed to focus on a holistic lifestyle, making small changes to balance and ground me. How to eat is only a part of my journey to wellness. I hope everyone finds the way to their own healthy living journey!
Personally, I’m not throwing out anything that works well for me, and that includes my plant based diet! That being said, the part of me that is a perfectionist about it all was not serving me well anymore, so I kicked her to the curb. I still love my plant based food!!!!
Thank you
I’m curious: did you add animal products back into your diet because you craved them? Even after all this time?
Hey Wendy, I’ve followed your blog & watched your videos for years but have never commented (I know, I know I’m awful lol!). So, I watched all your early videos/ read your blogs through the WFPB lifestyle, ultimate weight loss etc. & it is very obvious that you put in your best! This is why I chuckled as I read the comments on your recent video about how you gained weight on the vegan lifestyle because people kept telling you it’s your fault & you only gained weight because you didn’t do x, y, z & I was like ‘honey, she invented x,y,z!’ Now, the funny thing is that throughout all that time that I followed your channel & so many other plant based ones, I never went vegan. I would try to go vegan & end up bingeing on loads of meat or cheese in a few hours. All those channels could not shame or guilt me into a plant based lifestyle & that is because shame does not work & like you said, the body will reach for food regardless of the type it is because humans are omnivores who evolved to cling on to weight!
I ultimately went vegan for ethical reasons & also because I have a passion for solving world hunger having grown up in a famine myself(more about that below). Because I’m an ethical vegan & not on a ‘health journey’, I’m not on an oil free or sugar free vegan diet or whatever. I basically eat everything that tastes great & as much as I need to feel full. Ironically, the everything that tastes great to me is the unprocessed or minimally processed stuff so that is what I have now. I’m not doing this to lose weight & it turns out this was the only way I could go vegan!
I also wanted to say that it is funny (I use funny a lot no?) how binge eaters keep blaming themselves for everything! Western society (because I have lived in other places) really shames & guilts anyone who is not thin or has food issues into believing there is something wrong with them. Like in my case, I grew up in a frigging famine & once I came to the States, I just could not stop eating but I STILL did not make the connection about all that! I kept going to food addiction groups, reading diet gurus & basically telling myself I was a horrible person without self control. Thank you so much for everything you have been sharing here recently because it finally helped me to stop binge eating & accept myself! I also have been following a young lady on YT called Edyn Jacks who is plus size, confident in her own skin, does yoga & eats delicious well balanced vegan due to religious reasons (I love how she embraces vegetables & healthy meals & also eats cookies & chips when she wants!). She really flips the narrative that says all vegans must be a certain size, race or eat a particular way. I wish you all the best on your new journey & sorry for writing such a long comment, I think I poured out all I wanted to say over the years!
I just love your long post! Thank you for sharing your story!!!
Hi, I want to share a technique and book called The Tapping Solution For Weight Loss and Body Confidence by Jessica Ortner. If you want to deal with your emotions in the privacy of your own home then look into this. EFT. Google will bring it up – You Tube.
I’m so glad to see where you are right now! Several years ago, between reading Dr Michelle May’s book and some other books, I was finally okay understanding that restriction causes binges. I knew something was up when I could bake a batch of cookies and not care one bit about them, when other times I could make those same cookies and eat ’em up in two days–it was about restriction and where my mind was, not some combination of ingredients or lack of will power. Though I’m still plant-based (because I never liked meat), that’s when I got off the plant-based boards that talked endlessly about food addiction and “compliance.” I’ve also gotten a lot of help from Dr Nina Savelle-Rocklin, who often says that when we feel better, we treat ourselves better. I’m thankful that more people are learning that restrictive diets are not the answer!
Great Sharing I Like your article.Its too much good.
Hello, have you heard of the Gabriel Method? I haven’t done it and I’m not connected to them, but it’s advocating an approach that is similar to yours. After trying all kinds of diets with no results that could stick, the founder lost 200+ pounds by giving up dieting and restriction. He has a method that is all about resetting your “set point” unconsciously, through visualization and other things. He has a very compelling argument and theory, and many people find success! I just thought you might enjoy reading about it, as I did, because it turns everything on its head. I’m going to try it soon but I’m on BLE at the moment.
I read what you wrote about your situation and it is intriguing but when you started writing about how evolution causes these things I felt bad for you. Evolution is a theory not a fact. Evolution has been shoved down all our throats for generations by books, magazines, television, radio and all our schools. Little children begin to be indoctrinated as soon as possible. Darwin was quite confused yet most of the people of the world buy into his theories. Good luck in your efforts to be healthy. I applaud much of what you write. I do feel bad, though, because you attribute part of our nature to evolution.
I am a binge eater, was diagnosed with binge eating disorder, followed treatment for it (not very succesfully). I don’t restrict what I eat but I still binge. I tend to think that once the ‘habit’ of bingeing is there, we can stop restricting but the bingeing will – for some at least – continue. I tried intuitive eating; didn’t work for me at all. I think that maybe, there are phases to go through. Maybe one needs one method / set of rules and then another to finally come to a point where we can do intuitive eating?